Don't Ignore Infertility

One in eight couples face infertility.  It should be a common topic with tons of easily attainable resources but no one talks about it.  Some people believe infertility is ignored because the topic deals with sex.  In case that’s true I want to do it first and move on. 

Sex.   Screwing.  Doing the naughty.  Legs up in the air or from the rear.  Wet and dirty; just like on the Discovery Channel.  It’s about the birds and the bees and we’ve got hungry eyes. 

Now that we prudes are all awkwardly uncomfortable I can continue with the less comfortable topic of infertility. 

When I started this blog I felt keeping infertility to myself was driving me crazy.  I hoped I wasn’t alone.  When I thought about letting go and braving the world I hoped I would find friendship.  I wanted to help pioneer a community that I could understand.

I had this great idea of being a voice for change.  I imagined a world where people would come together to lift us up in support.  I want to see every market selling pink and blue ribbons. 

Every October it’s a reminder for me the potential we have to share our suffering in a positive way.  You can’t leave the house without seeing pink everywhere, being asked to participate in 5k runs or donate to the Susan G. Komen Foundation.  To be fully supportive of women they need to add the color blue.  October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Infertility and fertility need to be addressed.   My mission is to spread the message shamelessly.

To do that, I have to inform you that this is National Infertility Awareness Week.   To kick off the week I attended the Utah Infertility Awareness Seminar.  I learned so much and met some really wonderful people.  These are all people who want kids or wanted them.   They came together to share their frustrations, learn better ways to become parents but most of all to be in a room of infertiles that have hope.  They were there hoping for pregnancy, for surrogacy, for egg adoptions and fostering to adopt or dreaming a pregnant Mom would choose them.  When all else failed they were there hoping to find peace at the end of trying.   

These were women who have dreams of children stamped on their hearts and many have had to change that dream.  That is what one of the groups was all about.  Couples lined the rows to listen to Monica Ashton help them find peace and healing when you face the reality that your family will not be what you thought it would.   I sat there and listened to one woman discuss how she came to realize that a family of two is still a family.  So often we want to ask people when they are going to start a family but they do that when they get married.  They already are a family.

Even Isaiah had a laugh when Josh Redfern  got up and talked to us about infertility from a guys point of view.  Both of us sat there thinking, “That’s me he’s talking about.”  We hoped each other was really paying attention and it was because of what he said that we talked the whole way home, decided we weren’t done so we stopped to walk around the mall a few times until we had worked through so many things we felt we could never say because of that gender gap between us.  That is why I say I learned a lot.  He didn’t tell me he’d changed his mind but at least he understands why I act the way I do.    

We shouldn’t have needed to go to this big event to find a way to discuss how infertility affects us. Why is it so awkward to bring it up?  Why does he change the subject?  These were things I need to know.  Again, I shouldn’t have needed a seminar to learn answers.  I’m glad I went.  It was helpful but these are the things we could find easily if our culture was more open to sharing their infertility.  We so often carry the burden alone.  Would is surprise you to know that studies at places like Harvard have placed this stress on the same level as terminal illnesses like Cancer?  I’ve never been so upset or consumed with something in my life.

Those blue and pink ribbons are where we start the discussion.  We may not be able to say it out loud but we can pin this message to our shirts, our cars, our window decals, our web pages and our key chains.    Our friends who get it will know we stand for something.  That ribbon can lead to conversations that lead to change.  Your friends will be wearing those ribbons to honor you and in the years to come October will become the month of pink and blue.  People will know this is the week to recognize those who cope with infertility.

Making the decision to be open about my struggle is harder than I imagined but I have a ribbon I display everywhere I go.  My goal has become to be open enough to talk about my infertility in the same way as I talk about my marriage, or where I come from.  I don’t want to be ashamed of this integral part of who I am any more than I want to struggle with it.  That is why I have started the process of working with Resolve to open a support group in my area.  I'm still in training and we'll see where that goes in the weeks to come but it all starts this week.  This is the week I change my mindset from closed to open.  So hug your infertile friend, wear your ribbon and ask to start a discussion.  We can’t ignore infertility if we want to find the answers to end it.

To help you understand infertility you can check out these links below:

http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

Choosing to be Childfree After Infertility

Part Two: Reflections

            

                I was in the military the first time I contemplated having kids.  It was exciting but it wasn’t the right time.  I didn’t start trying to get pregnant until I was almost out of the military.  We spent about a year trying not including the months we stopped so I could deploy.    I was pregnant less than 90 days after my separation.  The plan was that I would stay at home until the baby would go to school because it would be cheaper than child care. 

                When my husband told me on April 3^rd that he will never want to adopt or try to have kids in any way I was devastated.  He told me to stop hoping he would change his mind.  The physical, emotional and mental cost was too high after our other losses.  He told me he couldn’t meet the requirements above.  He can’t be charismatic or convince people to give him cash.  Neither of us is social.  He wants stability that raising kids can’t give him.

My reaction at first was shock.  I sat there staring at the wall.  I barely registered anything happening the next few days.  I haven’t wanted to eat, can’t sleep.  I keep crying.  It sucks.   Everything reminds me that I will never raise children.  I spent over $100 on used books to cope with infertility and being “Childless by Chance.”  I even spent $50 on Fannie May because I haven’t fully accepted that chocolates don’t make everything better. 

The worst thing is I wanted to talk but when the opportunity arose I was ashamed, upset and scared so I didn’t share with many people what I was experiencing.  I want to be seen as a strong capable person and this makes it hard to be that way.  It was days before I even spoke with my own Mother.    When you are in the middle of infertility it’s impossible to see any happy ending that doesn’t involve bringing a baby home.  I didn’t want pity but I needed support. 

In the last few days I’ve begun asking new questions.  Why did I ever want kids?   At the time I knew I was getting out of the military and that was scary.   I’d worked so hard to get where I was.  I didn’t want to start over but I knew I couldn’t last much longer on my current path.  I wanted to hide and being a stay-at-home Mom gave me enough reason not to face the world.  I didn’t want to try because I didn’t want to fail.  In not trying I have met even more failure than I ever would have imagined back then.  I found out that physically having kids is not easy.

Everyone knows its hard being a parent.  You can’t be a selfish person when it comes to your kids.  We have programs to help parents.  We even have the famous line from Hillary Clinton, “It takes a Village to Raise a Child.”  You can’t go outside without facing their reality.  I know and accept that I will never comprehend what it is like to raise a child.   There are a million blogs and forums for parents.  People often go out of their way to be considerate to the needs of parents.   We have whole days set aside to thank our parents.   

We have a kid-centric culture.  It’s normal to grow up, get married and have kids.  I realized that I wanted to be a part of something like that.  I want to go to church on Mother’s Day and stand up with all the other Mom’s but when I do I feel like a fraud because I’m not living that lifestyle.  They don’t ask for all the women who have kids, are trying to have kids or have lost pregnancies and young babies to stand up.  They ask for Mom’s and generally when you think of Mom it’s that person who raised you even if that person wasn’t technically your Mother.  I wanted to experience that positive reinforcement; to have some recognition for something I had worked so hard to accomplish.  I saw Motherhood as the most normal way to do that.  

I never wanted to lose my kids.  When I did I wanted to share them.  When I got mad it was never my fault.  I can see now I didn’t want someone to think I was less than them.  I don’t like believing I’m not good enough or capable enough.  I really don’t like failure.  I’ve spent years hating people who say the wrong thing because what they say is coming from a place of pity, assumptions they couldn’t know about or because they are repeating a platitude.  To pity me says that you think I haven’t got something vital.  I don’t want that.  I want recognition for accomplishments.  But to this day I’m still afraid to try.  The difference is that I do try.  Sometimes it feels like it’s never enough but I do it even though I fail over and over again.  Failure is a big part of who I am; a good part.

I wanted to be normal.  Everyone I knew that was normal had kids or was having kids.  I’ve never liked being odd.  I learned that doesn’t get you far because people notice.  You become an outsider.   At a certain age not having kids makes you unrelatable.    We all conform to the culture we are raised in.  You are supposed to want the white-picked fence in the suburbs with 2 ½ kids.  If you meet a new acquaintance the topic of kids is as bonding as talking about the weather.   It’s hard to connect with people who have nothing in common with you.

I was afraid of what would happen to me without kids.  I’m afraid I’ll be old and alone but that's no reason to have kids.  After pregnancy and infant loss people’s fears become magnified.  A common grief reaction for anyone is to become socially isolated.  I barely left the house.  I was so vulnerable to any comments made by anyone that I buried my loss with all but a few.  That is a tough habit to break.  If I don’t break it I really will end up old and alone so I have to work on it a bit at a time.  Like most people I want to be remembered.  You need to impact people’s lives to be remembered; you have to earn that not give birth to that right. 

But when I think of adoption I want to be fair.  I don’t want to adopt just because I can’t have a kid naturally.  I don’t want them to be a replacement for my kids that died.   I want them to see me as their Mom and not just a caregiver.  If I say I would do anything just to have a kid am I really giving that child all the respect they deserve? 

It’s very hard for me to think about never trying.  This is a lost dream.  When my son was stillborn there was nothing else that was as important.  I waited years between each pregnancy to make sure I wasn’t trying to replace one child with another.   I wanted to know the feeling of breast-feeding and nurturing.  I wanted to scold and keep them safe.  I wanted the sleepless nights and midnight trips to clean up sick. 

I know what that connection to your child feels like.  As soon as my kids were born I knew that there was no bond stronger than that of a mother and child.  Yet,  I had to let go.  That feeling never went away.  But here I am letting go for good. 

The dream will end when I can see that not all happy endings result in kids.  The fairy tale is not always the best way to judge your own success.  Those who are different are the ones who make a difference.  I don't have to be a Mother to do that.

Choosing to be Childfree After Infertility

Part One:  Questions

There are a lot of questions to ask yourself before starting on the path to fertility.    It takes a lot of sacrifice, pain and suffering.  You should be informed.  If you are able to effortlessly get pregnant you need to throw out old biased concepts and learn what your infertile friends go through to have kids.

 Are you willing to be charismatic no matter how powerful the grief?  Are you able to convince people to give you large sums of money?  If not, would you forgo college tuition to pay off your debt?   You will need these traits if you choose to adopt either kids or eggs after losing your kids.

Would you be willing to undergo dangerous medical procedures that can have disastrous side-effects, such as paralysis and Uterine Cancer?  How about letting a doctor inspect your naughty bits on a weekly basis?  Can you try again if you suffer multiple pregnancy or infant losses?    

Will you sacrifice any possibility of buying a new house or even updating the house you have?  Will you be comfortable in your home if you never have spending money for vacations or getaways?    If you do find you have money for vacations could you be flexible enough to plan every day around the moment you ovulate or around the moment the clinic can see you?   

Are you strong enough not to become an emotional eater or drinker when year after year you still have not met all the above requirements?    Better yet, can you handle the hurtful comments you will receive from others when you don’t meet those standards?

If you go the route of adoption could you accept it’s the most expensive option?  Could you handle having social workers inspect your home.  Are you comfortable sharing intimate details about yourself with strangers who will then decide if you are a capable parent?  Can you explain to a judge why you deserve to have kids?  Would you inflict mental and physical testing upon yourself to prove you are a fit parent? 

Will enough people in your community to give you letters of recommendation?  Can you wait two to ten years to wade through the mountain of paperwork?   Even if you adopt can you give back your child if the parent comes to legally remove them back to their care?  How can you comprehend that these same parents don’t have to undergo all the same processes you do because they are genetically linked to your child?   

On April 3^rd I was honest with my husband about the struggles ahead.  The last thing I wanted was to make him believe we could hop to the corner market and bid on a baby.  I knew telling him the truth would cost me because I know his heart is not wrapped up in having offspring.  I still feel it’s worth it to at least try to adopt so I did tell him that.

My perspective is that if I haven’t tried everything then I’ve given up too early.  If I had it my way we would spend a fortune on trying.  We would already be so far in the hole that we would never contemplate retirement.   I would have plastered on a permanent smile, kissed all the right asses, gone to all the right events and followed all the right health and beauty tips to be as appealing as I can be.   I was even willing at one point to secretly try to get pregnant, knowing the odds were so stacked against me.

That is why I’m glad for my husband.  He’s strict and sees things differently.  Often I don’t think he fully comprehends my need to have children.  This is the driving force in my life.  Kids are all-consuming.  I can think of nothing higher on my list of priorities.  I would walk away from everything, even my life, to have a baby that I knew would grow up, be healthy, have a life of its own and maybe even give my husband grandkids one day. 

How do you go from that to having a tubal and questioning why it is you ever wanted children in the first place?

Put Yourself First Sometimes

Sometimes you have to do what is right for you.  On Monday that is what I did.  I haven’t updated because I’ve been recovering.  That’s right; I had my Tubal Ligation.

                All I can think to say is so far I feel great.  I spent so much time worrying before but as soon as it was done I felt free.  I don’t have to worry about the morals of getting pregnant.  That has always been a real issue for me.  When every pregnancy ends sadly how can you keep reliving it?  I spent years trying to do what I thought was right by my religion.  I never considered what was right for me.  Once I came to a place where I was able to look beyond what was right and wrong and ask what would give me the most comfort I chose this surgery.  My family was relieved because they too had always worried about what would happen the next time I got pregnant.

                I got scared that I was making the wrong choice over the last few weeks.  I grieved the loss of future pregnancies.  I probably will cycle back to that grief.  But when I made the decision I felt peace and now that I’ve followed through I feel free.  I feel confident in my decision.  I haven’t felt this kind of rightness since I made the decision as a teenager to move away from home.  That surprises me.

                The actual day was stressful.  I didn’t get there until 1:30 pm.  I was hungry and dehydrated and we waited for hours to get in for surgery.  They said the procedure would take an hour and it took two hours.  I vaguely remember waking up to an oxygen mask and a man talking about me with words like blood loss, tachycardia and atropine.  All I know is that I was so thirsty and couldn’t get my mouth wet.  I looked up atropine when I got home and found out that was a side-effect.

                When we got out of there it was 7:30 pm and we had to find an open drug store.  Thankfully, we found one that accepts our insurance and was on our way home.  It was a long day and I haven’t felt much better until today when most of the scarier side-effects wore off; like my low blood-pressure.

                It’s because I’m feeling better that I wanted to write this to all of you.  I want you to know that what may seem like the wrong decision to other people can be the right decision for you.  If you have something hard to face and you know what is right even if your choice could alienate you or scare you it will feel much better to be true to yourself than to live a lie for years like I have.  I spent so long feeling boxed in by choices I didn’t feel I had the freedom to make.  Now I’m living out of the box and a great weight has been lifted off my conscience.  I wonder what other choices I’ll have the freedom to make?

                The world is an open book for me right now.  I can finish school, have a career, adopt, use a donor egg; anything I want and I don’t have to be weighed down by self-doubt.  I don’t feel I have to live my life trying to make the perfect baby.  Just imagine your life with that kind of freedom.

Handling Infertility Depression

I was watching the American version of Being Human (because I’m a geek like that) when I heard a quote that resonated with me.

Sally:  I’m never gonna know what it’s like to wanna protect my child and fail.

Josh:  I don’t think it has to be your child.  I think if you love someone - anyone that much - you’d surprise yourself with what you’d do.

I never thought I could get enlightenment from B Syfy show before this moment.  The point is that I have been thinking the same thing.  Put someone in the middle of tragic circumstances and the things they do for love will have them in therapy for years.  It’s the things we do to save someone that have us resenting them and sometimes even hating to love them.  Yes, that can happen when your child dies.  You can even glimpse the pain Sally's Mother must have been in when she died (Sally is a ghost in the show).  The Mom can't even stand to be near her daughter when she becomes a ghost out of her own guilt at not having been there when she was needed most.  She was helpless, so was Sally and so are we sometimes.

When we are young we always want more so we take what we have for granted.  When we get more experienced we so often see what went wrong that we still take what we have left for granted.  We become blinded by what we are missing.

I am missing my kids, my fertility and my future pregnancies.  Like so many women I can’t have kids but like Josh says love transforms a person.  I’ve often wished I could sacrifice myself for the life of my child.  Women tend to think that way when protecting their babies.  The love of them transformed me and I never even took mine home.

But when you can’t have kids it can make it very difficult to see what you are capable of.  As many infertile women experience depression and low self-esteem as those with cancer and cardiac problems.  I’ve even heard one specialist suggest that IVF is more stressful than Chemo.  If you are like me you may not have spent your whole life dreaming about kids.  One day you find it’s all you think about.  Before you know it your whole world revolves around fertility when it should revolve around the things that make you truly happy.

Depression creeps in.  You forget things that you enjoy, put them on hold and eventually forget why you ever enjoyed them to begin with.  You replace those things with a hope for a baby.  Before you even realize what has happened that baby is the missing puzzle piece to your happiness.  If you don’t have the baby you can’t feel happy.  You need the baby like you need air. 

Society doesn’t make it easy on infertile couples either.  People ask about kids.  They talk about them.  They say stupid things and give ignorant advice.  Each comment makes that puzzle piece in your heart ache.  Even the things having nothing to do with kids make remind you of the missing baby.  If you are seated at the bar in a busy restaurant it’s because you don’t have a baby.  If you go to a graduation you think you’ll never go to your baby’s graduation.  When you are playing video games you realize you’ll never share this with your baby.  Any situation, even bad ones, can remind you of the baby.  But there is no baby and there may never be a baby.

We all find things that help us cope but most of them eventually lead us to letting go of that possibility.  It’s only negative to give up hope if we are giving up a chance at finding happiness.  It’s acceptance that leads us to real possibilities.  Anyone who tries to tell you that you are wrong for giving up is naive at best and more likely delusional from their own skewed sense of morality.

Asking someone to carry the burden of infertility with them forever is asking them to sacrifice their lives to depression.  Deciding to find something other than kids to fill that gap is a positive step forward.  Trying to get back to the things you used to love and rediscovering why you loved them can be a fun excursion from the negative cycle of life without kids.

From everything I’m learning I, like you, can come to a point where we have come to accept our life minus kids.  There will be times of grief.  There are always times of grief.  It’s ok if you don’t want to get out of bed every once in a while.  Don’t let yourself be intimidated out of spending your life in a positive way.  No person, religion or political group should have that kind of power.

Tubal vs. Essure

I had my consultation today.  It was kind of funny.  I told him about the Balanced Translocation I have and he got excited like kid finding treasure.  I showed him a picture of the BT and his response to it was, “Those are really rare!”  Is it weird that I felt pride in being unique at that moment?  Then he looked at the pictures from my laparoscopy and pointed out all the issues he saw.  There were more than a few. 

                There was no question about getting this done.  I told him what changed my mind and talked to him about being Catholic and being sterilized.  He calmed my fears about it because he’s Catholic too.  That made me feel much better.

                I went in thinking he’d glance at my records for a minute before telling me I need this procedure and left with choices I didn’t know I had.  Today I discovered Essure.  It’s safer than a tubal.  It takes 10 minutes to do.  You don’t need anesthesia.  When you walk out of the office you can go about your business that same day.  Sounds awesome, right?  Well nothing is perfect.

                First I have reservations about it because it’s only been around for five years.  It scars up your fallopian tubes.  The scar tissue blocks the tubes.  I don’t know what side effects I’d have years after the fact.  I read on-line about some women who had this done and a few years later were bleeding heavily and were in pain though it’s not supposed to be painful; much like Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome.  Two women sounded as if they were describing menopause with the symptoms they’d had and one of those two ended up being out of work on disability.  There is a chance of an ectopic pregnancy but there is a chance of that with a tubal also.  My real reservation is I have to wait 3 months after the procedure to see if it worked.  During those three months I could still get pregnant.  If it didn’t work I don’t know what to do.  Hopefully, they wouldn’t be able to get the wires in because that happens to some women.  The wires aren’t supposed to be removable (but there are some doctors who reverse Essure).  How could they go in and give me a tubal with these wires in the way?

                If I were normal and having this done to keep from having more kids this is the option I’d go with because there are less risks.  My husband and I decided we wanted to be sure I couldn’t get pregnant.  There are more risks that come with surgery but they outweigh the downfalls of Essure.  I will call and give my decision tomorrow.  Next step is to decide when I can schedule this.  April and June are supposed to be out because Isaiah can’t take time from work.  We might get either my Mom or Mother-in-law to come help.  It will all work out.

                Now you all know when you decide you don’t want kids there is this shiny new option available.  Yes, there are downfalls but if you don’t have a medical need to keep from pregnancy this is a safer option with less recovery time.  It’s a lot cheaper to boot.

Fur Babies

We all know the benefits of having a pet in the house.  They can lower blood pressure and cholesterol.  They have positive results on patients with depression and the grieving.  If you have an active pet they can help promote a healthy exercise routine.  You see clinics using Mastiffs with Autistic children.  They promote happiness.  One of the natures greatest joys are pets.  When you are having trouble finding happiness what better way to find healing than through adopting an animal?  Most of us have a cat or dog.  They are our family members.

I almost didn’t get a pet.  Now I have two and it was just by chance that they found me.

After my twins died I was a complete wreck.  It was as if I'd died.  It had been seven months and I couldn't bring myself out of it.  I wanted someone to take care of.  I lost babies and my husband felt he had to take care of me but who do I take care of?

I talked several times with my husband about getting an orange tabby because they are the color of our twins birth stone but he saw that as a bad financial move.  We were still paying for the headstone and obituary and I wasn’t working so why add a mouth to feed if we don't have to?

It was two days before my husband was deploying.  I was facing a reality where I would be alone.  My family lives thousands of miles away.  I had pushed most of my friends out of my life and the rest were "giving me room to grieve" meaning they were waiting for me to come to them when I was ready.  And NOW my husband was going to leave.  I didn't even have a job where I would be around people I could have small talk with.

We were smoking on the back porch when this orange tabby peeked around the corner.  My husband slowly crept inside to get milk, leaving the door open and this cat followed him into the kitchen.  He was a Daddy's boy right from the start.

We looked for the owners, alerted different organizations that we had him if anyone came looking and we babysat.  It never dawned on me until later how many people let their house cats outside to wander.  I was completely smitten by this cat.  The way my husband played with him I knew he was in love too.

Then he deployed and I had this beautiful orange cat to come home to.  He played with me and made me laugh when I hadn't laughed in months.  He makes me laugh every day.

The day after my husband left was my first Mother's Day.   That is the worst day of the year and was alone.  But I wasn't alone because that orange cat was there to comfort me as well as be rowdy by attacking the faucet water and pouncing my bunny slippers.

I was taking care of him and that felt so good.  As a Mother that is all I wanted; to be able to take care of someone that needs me.

The day after Mother's Day the owners found me.  I handed over a few things I had bought him like food, cat litter and some small toys and I handed over the little orange kitty.  They seemed disinterested in how I was telling them what a good cat he'd been but I kept talking all the way to their car.

I went back to being dead inside.  I tried getting out just for the sake of getting out but it did little good.

Then I got a call from the owners about a week later.  It seems that Oliver (my cat’s name) had gone "crazy" since he'd been home.  All day he was going to great lengths to get out again to come back to my house.  When he couldn't get out he would go "mad" running around breaking things and tearing the house apart.

They decided he was now too much to handle but they didn't want to take him to a shelter and wanted to know if I wanted him back.  I almost cried on the phone I was so happy. I see now that they were being nice.  I recognized the woman who came to pick up Oliver as a friend of a friend.  My guess is she heard what had just happened with the twins and let me believe this cat needed me.  I’ll always be thankful for that.

I realized that my babies couldn't be here so they sent me just what I needed.  I've always looked at Oliver as my Mother's Day gift from my babies.  He makes me laugh every day.  I play with him every day.  Now I'm a cat lady.

Oliver was so full of life and I couldn't keep up so I started looking for another cat while my husband was gone so he couldn't say no.  After a few days I found Pirate.  He had been at the no kill shelter longer than any of the other cats because he only had one eye.  People there had rescued him from the pound because he was slotted to be put to sleep.  He needed to be rescued.  Just like any good rescue you find that you are the one who is really being saved.  The shelter said he was shy but I got him home and he was in my lap the first day.  He's been there ever since.

He is so sweet.   He likes to make friends.  His little fangs hang down past his mouth and he has the most beautiful mixture of white, tan and black fur that even the vets I've taken him to have commented on.  No matter if he is sick, hurt or playful he’s always being sweet.

I know they aren't child substitutes but they are the best healers I've met so far.  Every day I shower my cats with love because having lost so much I appreciate them much more.  They helped me learn to smile and laugh again.  I make up stories for them (Ollie becomes Sir Oliver who battles the Evil Water Monster and his bubble minions to save the innocent villagers while Pirate becomes an anime ninja cat who is the familiar of the most powerful wizard in all the land.  Pirate can save your life with just his meow and I have been saved many times because he makes a lot of noise.).  I read to them and nap with them.

Any time I find that I want to give up and jump headlong into sadness those cats are there.  If I cry they are there to make sure I get some cheering up.  Honestly, if I tear up one or the other nudges their head under my hand for me to pet them and they give me kisses.  If I leave a room they follow.  If I sleep they curl up with me.

That is the job of a pet.  They are there for you.  We love them for that.  The benefits to having pets make it worth any cost.  It’s worth it for your health and your happiness.  I think we can all expand our families to include a little more joy.