Discrimination

Last year I interviewed a woman who claimed to being harassed at work. Her loss was a few months old; still raw. Her daughter died in childbirth so she never got a birth certificate. Not every state has passed the Missing Angels Bill to allow stillborn birth certificates.

For those of you who never experience stillbirth I want to shake the cobwebs off the mystery. Not to be rude because I don’t think people know. Giving birth is physically same if your child dies. Most times doctors won’t do a C-section since the only danger is to the Mother. Hours to days later someone like you gives birth and has to say good-bye forever. They have epidurals. Their milk comes in. The same hormones that cause post-partum depression are in these mothers as they are in you. If that isn’t giving birth I don’t know what is. To date, no one I’ve met is thankful they didn’t get a birth certificate.

Add to that the cost of all those baby supplies they won’t use and the fees surrounding the funeral and you have one hell of a financial hole. You don’t have a tax write-off to look forward to. Most insurance companies do little to help. You can’t insure an unborn child.

This is a lot to process. Most parents don’t get the paid time off they deserve. Americans don’t know it takes months for the initial shock to wear off and real grieving to set in. Some expect you to be your old self when reality is only setting in.

This woman I questioned showed up to work with a photo. The Dugger family recently had similar photos taken by the non-profit Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I imagine there are millions with similar photos; including myself. This was her first kid and everyone else has family pictures displayed. She thought nothing of tacking a few to her peg board.

Not long after she found out people went to HR over her family photos. They didn't want to see it. There were numerous meetings with upper management and HR to find a way to legally make her take the photos down. When they did come to her she’d been at work for a month. No one was talking to her. No one offered condolences or sent flowers because there is something different about losing a child that makes it unacceptable to acknowledge. She was told she had to take down her family portraits or she’d lose her job.

This is what it means to blame the victim. If you’re doing something to make yourself feel comfortable at the expense of others this is discrimination. It’s time to end the silence.